There seem to be extra pressure on everyone, I may be biased, but I feel many women are affected by this to a greater degree.  When I boil it down it feels like we are all measuring our continuum of ‘not good enough’ to ‘perfection’.  Eventually this can lead to Anxiety, Panic, Depression and Burnout.

And there are so many categories in which we all have to perform, and every year the pressure increases to produce a more perfect Christmas.  Social media and Adverts are largely to blame here!!   To me this feels overwhelming, how will I ever get my head around all of this? How will I find the time to do it all as well as fitting in all the additional pre-Christmas celebrations (I should be so lucky).   So many gifts to think of and purchase, cards to write, gifts to wrap, the tree, decorations, crackers, stockings with plenty of fillers, enough “Christmas food” for several days for an uncertain number of relatives on each day.  It feels like it is MY responsibility to make everyone ecstatically happy and satisfied.  And all whilst working as usual, and continuing doing everything else as usual too.

The more excited our children are, the greater the expectation, and the harder it is for the parent to feel she or he can meet that expectation.

The lead up seems to begin earlier every year.  From the moment I hear it mentioned “what are you doing for Christmas this year?” and seeing Christmas items already in the shops from October or earlier, and TV ads!   The ludicrous expectation to have one’s Christmas week plans in place by early autumn!  This all fills me with a very specific Christmas feeling – and its not a good one.

It triggers in me, early beliefs and assumptions that I am never going to be good enough, I'll never remember everything and even if I do, I don’t possess the skills to do things with panache.   These inadequacies bring up shame and guilt that I can’t give my children everything they want.  I think what they really want is for me to enjoy it more, let go, have fun!   For reasons I will expand on in a future post, receiving gifts makes me sad and feel like crying.

And once the Christmas day meal has been eaten and we recline, stuffed to the gills, completely knackered, the Depressed mood sets in because there’s the clearing up and preparation for the next meal!!

Now I am older and have grandchildren, my children come and make most of the Christmas dinner because they are so much better at it than I am.   It’s so lovely, and I really appreciate it more than I can say, and yet there it is again, the shame and guilt about not doing everything myself.

It so happens that much of what I do in Schema Therapy is to help soothe that Vulnerable Child (yours not mine) who is experiencing the Not Good Enough and the resulting guilt and shame.

For more information, please visit my Schema Therapy page.